It occurred to me today that we aren't training each other very well. We scream at the people we love when we want them to come home. I've watched parents berating their kids. I've often thought I wouldn't want to come home to that either!
You know, once I watched my cat with her new kittens. She had these amazing mini meows she used with them, very quiet. She never lost her temper, never raised her voice. She got quieter.
They would wake and begin to toddle out of the bed, and if they got too far she would give a mini-meow and they would stop as if to say 'far enough'. If she gave two minis, it meant come home.
Most of the litter responded, except one. Except the one little boy. He would keep toddling determinedly onward no matter her call. She would let him get so far, and then with no response coming from him , she would get up and gather him up by the back of the neck, firmly but gently. He dangled from her mouth, swaying as if to say "aw mom..."
When they got back to the bed, she smothered him with her tongue, completely, and quite furiously licking him everywhere. He was loved all over. She completely stimulated him but what was the message? She loved him. She completely loved on him. Not for going away, but for coming back. For being in the nest, in the bed with her. For returning, even if she had to bring him in. And then when he was warm, and clean, she fed him.
His anchor was love in the bed, in the nest, in their space, and love with connection to her.
The next day, when he toddled out and she mini-meowed...he came in on his own. He came back to where it was deeply ingrained that he was loved and cared for and fed. He was determinedly told he was loved and safe, and he responded.
I think my cat was brilliant.