Sunday, August 29, 2010

What Does it Mean to Be a Child?

Back in the Victorian Era children were dressed up like miniature adults. Little boys had powder wigs, and little girls had bustles. We look at the archival images and say "oh can you imagine?"

But are we any different today? We are still dressing children up as if they are little adults with young girls in makeup and wearing clothing that is much too old for them. Just because they can doesn't mean they should. We have gotten away from rites of passage in our country - rituals that say we have reached a new pinnacle. It's amazing how we seem to rush the aging process and not honor where we are and not honor passages, but that's for another time.

What does it mean to be a child?

We want them to be responsible and self-governing at younger and younger ages, but we don't seem to think that this is something that needs to be learned. We expect them to behave (sit quietly, respect their adults, be able to keep their emotions under control), but we don't think that this is something that is learned behavior-rather it is supposed to be just known and able to be done.

We don't think that they should make mistakes. But if we never make a mistake, how do we learn? I loved the NLP premise as soon as I heard it, and adopted it to heart: "There is no failure, only feedback." DO it again! Figure out another way.

Keep this as a guiding principle and you will quickly find that you are open to exploration when otherwise you might be closed. When you believe that there is only a right way and a wrong way, and that you will do it wrong, you immediately lock yourself into non-movement. You've check-mated yourself!

We make mistakes. We are supposed to. It's coded into our DNA-all the ways not to do it, again. Don't touch the snake. Don't jump off the cliff. Don't look someone in the eye. Don't go down into the dark basement. Don't talk back to the nuns (even if you aren't Catholic). I call it instinctive behavior modification, and it's in our DNA just the same as antibodies are in our immune system-we learn from our experiences, and from trying out metal.

Exploration leads to discoveries. Breaking the rules leads to finding another way. Being able to hear between the lines means allowing your brain to work out new answers. Without this ability, we would not have ever had a United States of America. Without this, Columbus wouldn't have journeyed, and later our forefathers wouldn't have had the audacity to dream of breaking away from English rule.

Don't rule out mistakes. Mistakes are what solutions are built on. Do it again isn't a punishment-it's the ultimate reward!